Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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