I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize