What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
