I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just want to make out with him forever
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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