You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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