I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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