Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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