We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
