mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize