Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I AM VODKA MAN
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
