Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
