My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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