Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
A+ Viking dick
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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