I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
