He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
