Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
