That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
