he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You ruined the universe
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
