They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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