I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
