apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
