fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
