hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
