he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
