Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
