Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
