I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
should my penis look like a turkey
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Randomize