just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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