Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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