well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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