Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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