I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
