I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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