Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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