The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
