Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
