The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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