There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
