DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
