There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize