Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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