Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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