when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
