I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
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