It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
