i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
