I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
