I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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