I heard we made out
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I have aggressive nipples.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
