Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
