Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Randomize
