I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
what day is it and did you see me today?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
