she was so not down for the gang bang
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
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