i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
