between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Randomize
