Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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