Just mADE A PArabola og urine
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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