he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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