I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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