did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize