Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
