Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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