Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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