I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
In other news, I just burned my penis
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
