that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
