I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
