Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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