Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
