Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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