I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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