I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
