I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
