Sponge bath it is.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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