i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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