Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
