Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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