sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
