apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Randomize
